"I'm No Peach!"

"I'm Going To Tell You A Bunch Of Crap...And You'll Believe It Because You Love Me!"

I love Madonna. No denying that. Sometimes, her thoughts can be a little out there. Nonetheless, I will endorse her upcoming DVD release for "I'm Going To Tell You A Secret", her recent documentary of the 2004 Re-Invention Tour. This is of course compliments of Madonna's fan club, ICON.

"I'm Going To Tell You A Secret"

On June 20th, Madonna's documentary film, I'm Going To Tell You A Secret, becomes available for you to take home. This very special DVD/CD set includes the full documentary, plus never-before-seen footage. Additionally, a 14 track CD featuring rare and live versions of songs from the documentary is available exclusively in this set.

CD Track List:
01. The Beast Within
02. Vogue
03. Nobody Knows Me
04. American Life
05. Hollywood (Remix)
06. Die Another Day
07. Lament
08. Like A Prayer
09. Imagine
10. Mother and Father
11. Susan McLeod/Into The Groove
12. Music
13. Holiday
14. I Love New York

Pre-order your copy at Amazon US.

Take A Number Bitches...

I'm all for diversity, but I am not one to endorse coming into this country illegaly. I think the thing that is most frustrating about the entire immigration issue is that people are not able to differentiate between the word immigrant and the term illegal immigrant.

I liken it to how tourists to Orlando don't know the difference between the Walt Disney World Resort and the Magic Kingdom. To most of them, it's all "Disney." Listen close and you'll hear many adorned with the fashionably-unacceptable-you're-totally-a-tourist fanny pack say something like this, "We were over in Disney yesterday and wanted to get on the Fast Track...and we couldn't find it."  What they didn't take the time to learn was that the entire 47 square miles is referred to as "Walt Disney World" and that "Disney" has four distinctly different theme parks which include, the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Disney-MGM Studios and Disney's Animal Kingdom. Oh and let's not forget the Disney Stores, ABC, Disney Cruise Lines and on and on and on. It's all about nomenclature folks, but I wouldn't expect people who ask for a theme park guidemap and then turn around and ask where the nearest restroom is, to understand.

Complete tangent, but you get the idea.

Immigrants are being lumped in with illegal (there's that word again) immigrants by the same group of closed-minded Americans (which include the media's limited focus) that believe a fairy-tale about two male prince's will teach children across this country the dirty acts of gay sex.

(Insert tangent #2)

Yes that's right, didn't you know? Homosexuals aren't capable of love, we're just lustful deviants dressed in leather straps, do more "crack" than Whitney, and come complete with a whip that would make Indiana Jones jealous. And that's too bad...because really we're all a bunch of selfish bitches who take the Abercrombie muscle tee a bit too far as in..."When you're over 30 boys, you need to let it go." Let's face it, Americans are label whores who live in the very box your pair of Gucci sunglasses came in. Oh who cares if you can't afford them...just pretend.

I am aware of the contributions immigrants bring to this country. I have no problem with those who seek out the freedom America has to offer... legally. I do have a problem with the millions of illegal immigrants who sneak into this country and then try to convince us that somehow their actions are justifiable. From stories of how they risk death to be with their children or how they can make or break America's economy, they'll come up with anything to be heard. Here's some advice: Accept that we will never endorse illegal actions, learn the English language, pay your taxes, stop waving the Mexican flag, and I might listen to you. If I were to visit Mexico, or any other country for that matter, do you think they are going to cater to the English language? Hell no.

Finally...if this peach could take a moment to be blunt (as if I haven't been)...as a legal citizen of this country, I'm still waiting for equal marriage rights, so um, bitches need to take a number and get in line.

Hung Up On Horses?

According to this month's "W" magazine, "the relationship between a woman and her horse transcends the boundaries of sport."

Enter Madonna. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know. I write about her way too much, but after viewing her recent 58 page (that's right...58 pages!) photo shoot, even I must admit the imagery certainly borders on risque. Maybe it's just me, but smoking a cigarette while laying on top of a horse doesn't exactly scream, "My Little Pony." I use this reference loosely as it seems like only yesterday she was writing children's books. In a bizarre attempt that is reminiscent of Michael Jackson's fascination with animals, some photographs even seem to suggest Madonna thinks of herself as a horse. While others might give us a glimpse into how Madonna likes her men... and I'm going to guess that just maybe she likes them..."hung as a horse?"   Now, now...don't label me or Madonna just yet. As far as practicality and the comfort factor are concerned, I'm so not a size queen and I'm sure the Queen of Pop is intelligent enough to understand that size does not always matter. Well...it might matter a little. Oh fuck it...let's face facts ladies (and homos), if I am given a choice between a Jimmy Dean sausage link or an Italian sausage, I'm taking the Italian sausage!

Of course, all of this is mere speculation on what the photographs actually mean. It could simply be an artistic vision of how she has learned to cope and confront any internal fears she may have developed from her horse riding accident last summer. But as with anything Madonna does, it's meant to get people talking...and people love to talk smack about Madonna. That's her beauty. She makes us look at our own imperfections and that bothers a great majority of society. In most of our lives, whether it be social or political we all will contradict ourselves. Madonna has always been good at letting us know that and that's why people get nervous about her. As far as her persona is concerned, it too, offers contradictions. People will bitch and bitch about her, but they will be the first to watch what she is doing, buy one of her albums, or purchase tickets to one of her concerts (which I just have to add are a sellout every damn time). After reading his review of her appearance at this year's Coachella Festival, it would appear that even fellow homo and peach, Michael Kelly, can't decide which side, (to use his words)... "of the Madonna fence" ...he sits on. Which is just an example of the confusion that surrounds her.

Confusion aside, one thing is for certain...don't underestimate the power of the Madonna advertising machine! With a world tour only weeks away, isn't it a coincidence that fashion designer, Jean Paul Gaultier, would come up with costume designs that not only reflect the disco era, but also the art of the Equestrian? By the way, he's the same one who created that controversial "cone bra" long ago during her "Blonde Ambition" tour. As you can see from the sketches, Jean Paul Gaultier has given the male dancers a "horsey attire" complete with "built-in saddles and harnesses to a riding-crop-snapping Madonna." It is reported that most often it is the designer that must alter their designs to accommodate Madonna's choreography. However, this time, it was Madonna who adjusted her choreography to make a much stronger fashion statement in this show. Let's just say this...Madonna knows how to stay in the "Spotlight!" Throughout her twenty years she has refused to stay in the corner...and has always... started her own dance!

I'm Walking!

The surgery is over and guess what...I'm awake and...I'm walking! Well, with assistance! After being on crutches for over 50 days, it would appear that my brain has forgotten about my left leg. With time, I should be walking by the end of the week. I haven't looked at the scars and I'm still not looking forward to it. Apparently my doctor discovered that the Meniscus was shredded with multiple tears, probably from the four previous injuries, which meant he had to remove 80% of it. I guess when I'm 60 years old I'll find out what an inconvenience it will be, but for the next 30 years I'm in the clear with the 20% that is left. As far as the blood clot, it is still there and it may be September before he can operate on the ACL (something that has to be fixed). Since I am dealing with DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) there is also a chance that the swelling in my left leg will always be there.

I must get back to rest, but will hopefully get back with details of my experience in the next day or two.

In the meantime, rumors have been flying around the set-list for Madonna's upcoming "Confessions" tour. A picture of her dancers with Jean Paul Gaultier has been circulating the internet that appears to contain the prop "crucifix" which Madonna will hang from as she sings one of her classic hits. Since the entire tour has a disco theme, doesn't it make sense that this "cross" will be covered in thousands of crystals? I won't speculate on the song, but perhaps you can figure it out from this "unconfirmed" set-list (or maybe...just maybe it's not on here):

Hung Up, Where's The Party, La Isla Bonita, Music, Love Profusion, Get Together, Isaac, Erotica (rumored to be a song for Guy), Nothing Really Matters, Jump, Everybody, Dress You Up, I Love New York, Holiday (though the rumor is that Madge is tired of this song), Bedtime Story, Hollywood, Skin, Ray of Light, Sorry, Borderline, Keep The Trance, History (apparently a new track), Like A Virgin (though I thought she'd never do this song live again). Again, since I have not found this list on any "official" site, I can't say it's accurate.

What is accurate is that her documentary, "I'm Going To Tell You A Secret" is finally available for purchase on June 6! This fabulous documentary shows a different side of Madonna as she travels around the world during 2004's "Re-Invention" tour and believe me...she's grown so much since "Truth or Dare!"You can order it here at Amazon. Oh, and while you are at it, you might want to throw in a copy of the special edition "Confessions On A Dance Floor" for me!

She's Not Dead!

My best friend Scotty Z took a moment in the middle of my Madonna "Confessions" tour excitement to remind me of another big release in the music world. It seems that I forgot about Pink's new release, "I'm Not Dead." So, I took a moment to sample the album.

Brilliant. F*cking brilliant.

I am all for ending the epidemic known as the "stupid girl." Ever since the Jessica Simpson Tuna debacle, brainless narcissism has served as an "idea" for young women (and as I've said before...certain gay men) to aspire to be.While Pink doesn't mention names, she uses easy examples to attack a general idea...in her words, "mindless consumerism." Adopting the behaviors of Paris, Nicole, Lindsay and others will do nothing to make our world a better place. Yes it's fun to be "fabulous", carry little dogs, and throw parties to count the number of people you know, but show some substance! What people need to realize is that those behaviors...they are "trends." Trends go nowhere fast. Think...Debbie Gibson, Belinda Carlisle and Tiffany. The suburban mall has lasted longer than those idols of the 80's ...who are barely remembered today...except when being made fun of. Heaven may have its place on Earth, but denim jackets, buttons from Spencer's, jelly bracelets and ESPRIT...do not.

Pink, however, does have a place on Earth. She joins the ranks of other powerful women...Madonna, Oprah, Linda Sharp...who have lasted decades because they offer something to society that socialites do not...the power to make someone think. When was the last time you looked at Paris Hilton and had an ounce of brain activity?

As I said before..the album is brilliant. "Dear Mr. President" is fantastic! The song is very much needed in these times and asks some poignant questions we all need to be asking! When Scotty called me... he already had my song picked out! As I listened to his selection... "Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)" I must agree...nobody knows me like Scotty Z! Maybe I'm f*cked up and you may feel for the poor fellow who captures my attention...but this is EXACTLY how I feel.

Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
I love you so
Much more when you're not here
Watchin all the bad shows
Drinking all of my beer

I don't believe Adam and Eve
Spent every goddamn day together
If you give me some room there will be room enough for two

Tonight
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
I'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely tonight

I don't wanna wake up with another
But I don't wanna always wake up with you either
No you can't hop into my shower
All I ask for is one ***kin' hour
You taste so sweet
But I can't eat the same thing every day
Cuttin off the phone
Leave me the ***k alone
Tomorrow I'll be beggin' you to come home

So typical and so true. Sometimes you just want to be alone because you get lonely...not for another, but for yourself! For reasons unknown to me, every time I get into a relationship I end up feeling guilty for wanting space! It's not that I'm not interested in the person, I just don't see the need to be around someone 24/7. That concept is seriously flawed. I have a 3 Song Rule in order to purchase an album, and Pink's definitely meets that requirement..."U + Ur Hand", "Who Knew", "Long Way To Happy", "I'm Not Dead" and of course..."Stupid Girls" are just some of the other favorites. This peach gives the album FOUR PEACHES!

Take a listen for yourself...by clicking here!Or, if you'd like to watch her recent performance on the TODAY show, click here.

"Where oh where have all the smart people gone?"